I woke up in America today.
I woke up to the sound of my husband retching. He was (is?) having a flare-up of his unexplained cyclic vomiting. He tried to keep it down knowing that I had work at 7:45 am and likely couldn't miss it. I rubbed his back while I told him that I would take him to the hospital the next day after work. I couldn't miss anymore work time before our honeymoon.
I woke up in America today.
I woke up to a country that isn't much different than the country it was yesterday.
I'll admit: I rolled my eyes at our country's willingness to look for a savior in a president. What is a democratic process in a country who has made decisions on who our tax dollars will bomb and not feed? Is it any comfort that the bombs would have lipstick and a silk press on them?
I woke up in America today.
I woke up in the seminal spaces between hope and despair, between put-together and crash-out, between I care way too much and I don't give a fuck.
I woke up in America today.
I said I wanted Black liberation, not Black representation.
I woke up in America today.
I thought of my mother, working more than any woman over 60 should, who bought me a book on Kamala Harris, hoping to inspire the daughter she sees changing the world.
I felt sadness for her, I felt grief for the hope lost in women. I felt anger at white women who felt like voting for Kamala was enough when Black women have been organizing for more for generations.
I felt anger for that hope existing in the first place. I felt anger for existing in a world that people who truly love me can give in to the performance of it all, to not be committed to helping one another. I felt angry for my job acting like this was just another day, I felt angry that it was just another day. I felt angry, angry...
I woke up in America today.
I speak of my anger not to claim that it is warranted or correct, but that it is.
I woke up in America today.
Sudan, Detroit, Yemen, Minneapolis, Palestine, Flint, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Tampa: we are all people impacted by policies based in profit rather than humanity. We are all numbers. They don't care about us, but rather our labor and our complicity. This country instead asks us to suspend our desire for real change, to vote to maintain cash flow and hierarchy, to vote blue no matter who, and leave ourselves feeling empty.
We will rest.
Black women will rest.
I woke up in America today.
Christian faith, whatever it looks like to me today, is once again in contention with my political beliefs. I made the mistake of being on Facebook. To being seen as an enemy with those who I am told to fellowship.
I'm so worn.
I woke up in America today. I woke up, I woke up, I woke up.
I have not slept in America today.
I didn't die in America today.
Because I didn't die in America today, neither did a dream for intersectional solidarity.
Today, we groan. Tomorrow, we dream.
Comentários