I have a confession to make: I have huge self-doubt.
I know, I know, I seem like I'm confident and for the most part, I am (deep down). However, 2019 has not been kind to me, academically or personally. My GPA has gone down, I've gained weight, and I had to make a really difficult personal decision in August.
I've learned a lot about myself through these experiences, though, and I wanted to share with you the truths I can take with me from now one to get through the hard times I know I have yet to face.
The American "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" narrative will tell you one thing. It'll tell you that everything you want to do can be done with hard work. If any of you reading are older than 19 and have been working hard your entire life, you might be realizing that this isn't true.
Yes, hard work is important. I've worked hard for everything up to this point. I've trusted in God throughout it all and I know that I wouldn't be anywhere if I hadn't. But that doesn't mean it's always going to work. Sometimes, you fail. Over and over. But giving up will just leave me further from my goals. Worst of all, it would be my own fault.
So you keep going- and you keep failing. But the thing about God is that He shows up when he needs to and the breakthrough is always worth the wait. It's not glamorous or inspiring when you're going through it, but it makes for a stronger person on the other end.
It also isn't linear. Just yesterday, I cried like a baby after my biochemistry exam and I was having this WHOLE week of trusting in God's promises and praying and studying. We aren't made into the people we want to be as a direct result of the people we are now.
It's a process of learning, trying, failing, and perfecting. We are being fashioned into something rare and beautiful.
So, failure is NOT a bad word. Failure is scary and it is not for the faint of heart. But you know who's going to fail the most? Those who tried the most. Those who were persistent are going to get into the places and the rooms that no one else did and do the things that no one else could.
I don't think that the people that inspire me made it there because they're smarter, cooler, or better than everyone else in the world. I think they took the opportunities they could find and kept going until they made something uniquely their own. That takes preparation, trial, and error, and learning from mistakes.
I won't give up. I'm not a strong science student and common sense is telling me constantly I should just study public health with no ambitions of becoming a doctor. But, I don't listen to common sense. I listen to that voice inside of me that wants so deeply to change the state of this world and the injustice we see it. I have a responsibility and a desire to do so much and I have yet to even see it.
Whether or not you're in school, you have dreams. You have something that you see affecting people, maybe even affecting you. And it BOTHERS you. Day after day, you sit there wanting something to change when you can change it. In whatever profession you do, wherever you are, you can have empathy and stand up for others. Empathy creates inclusivity in our government, our society, our homes.
Everything the world needs is inside of you. Welcome to the blog.
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