Welcome back, friends!
I hope you are all doing your best.
DISCLAIMER:
I am not taking my Black ass to the land of madness where white supremacists attempt a coup of the US government. I acknowledge that it happened, that it's awful, and that it is too much for me to talk about right now.
One of the many goals that I set for myself this year is to install healthy boundaries. A boundary that I have given myself is not falling into despair even when things are bleak.
More people died in the United States of COVID in the first nine days of 2021 than in 9/11 and multiple wars.
That's awful. And it hurts. So, I will do what I can and let go of what I cannot and right now, that includes not indulging in the scariness of our recent events (including the Kanye and Jeffree Star rumor- terrifying).
All I will say is that it doesn't shock me at all. Nationalist and discriminatory (and dumb as a pile of bricks) Americans are doing what the legacy and history of this country have told that they do best.
I may or may not make a blog post about my opinions of the politics in America and the immense problems on the right and the left, but that's for another day. Probably after a big nap and a frozen margarita.
Today, I want to bring up a beautiful podcast episode I just listened to. The podcast, titled The Work Ethic, is hosted by my friend and mentor Jon Dengler. He, alone, is such an interesting and energizing person but through his podcast he explores the meaning of work to people of all vocations. His interviews are raw and exciting and I feel like I just breathed a fresh breath of air when something speaks to me in a way that nothing had before.
He recently interviewed Dr. Melanie Hicks who has spent her long career pursuing amazing things. She works primarily with nonprofits and in education and speaking.
Ever since I listened to her conversation with Jon, I have brought it up in almost every long phone call since. As someone who puts a lot of pressure on their calling, their purpose on this Earth, and the best way to be kind and good and support those around you in meaningful ways, it was almost a confirmation of what I had been telling myself for a long time: it is okay to go headfirst and nosedive into your passion.
This podcast episode impacted me to the point of unraveling a truth about myself and my desires that I had kept wound up for a long time.
It served as an invitation to explore myself outside of my expectations and my "supposed-to's".
I highly recommend that you listen to it (obviously) and I will provide a link for it here.
Melanie has this term: "Dharma adjacent".
She defined it as being close to the thing that you're meant to do, but not right on target.
She talks about thinking about our calling as a Venn diagram. It is where what we are good at and what we are passionate about intersect. Oftentimes, when we are Dharma adjacent, she explains, we may be missing parts of one or both.
I know for myself I am passionate about improving the health of populations so they can have healthy, long, and fulfilling lives. I know that once physical health is improved, relationships, families, and mental health follow. I am passionate about working against the systems that deny that right to people and to empower the communities that have been disenfranchised by this same system. I know my passion is certain.
However, I have always been hesitant to fully embrace the work that I wanted to do and what I knew I was skilled at. When you are Dharma adjacent, something feels... off. It feels like everything should be great and you should be excited, but you're just not.
We have to be honest to ourselves about what we want in this life. Do we want to be guaranteed comfort and security at the expense of fully living? Most of us wouldn't admit it, but a lot of us do. We might have parents who sacrificed everything for our success and we believe it would be wrong to not guarantee that to them. I get it. Being a child of immigrants didn't make it easy to pursue other career options in public health other than medicine.
But, it comes down to what you want out of your life. I think the biggest part of growing up is deciding that you have to put yourself first. It's so hard. I grew up being praised for my selflessness but when it comes to the path that I have to choose, the only person that should matter is myself.
You are a better son, daughter, aunt, partner, and friend when you are living out your purpose. You are who you created to be in that moment.
That will never be worth giving up, no matter what.
Cover image by @milkandhoneymade on Instagram.
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