I realized that I am the most uncomfortable in the periods that I refer to as the in-between.
The in-between is the period of time where one chapter of my life ends and another exciting one is beginning.
It happened the summer before ninth grade when I obsessively tried to reinvent myself to get ready for "the glory years".
It happened when I graduated high school and I moved out of my parents' house to go to college two hours away.
And now, it's happening again as I finish my undergrad and look forward to grad school and living in another state for the first time ever.
These are super exciting firsts and I get caught up in planning how to make the most out of these times that I'll never get to repeat.
The issue that many of us, I presume, continue to run into is that we struggle to live in the present of the in-between.
I am very type-A, Virgo, type 3 enneagram.. however you want to identify it. I am a planner, and I thrive in structure and time-restrained goals. It is very useful in higher education, but it presents an issue of not being able to live in the moment.
I am doing my best to find meaningful things to be involved in for my last few months in Tampa and to focus on that, but I find my mind wandering to the lakes of Minnesota, my potential graduate assistantship opportunities, decorating my new apartment and so on.
Is this bad? No, I think a large part of it is human nature. We like suspense, anticipation, we like to cast reality on something that has not yet reached us because we assume it will be even better than the present.
I love where I'm at right now, and there are a lot of things and people that I will miss dearly, but I know that the road I am on is only going to get brighter.
I am growing more confident in myself. I'm identifying my passions. As I grow, I know time will only tell what I am made capable of and who I will meet. That's undoubtedly exciting!
There are also people and experiences that I want to distance myself from. I didn't leave my undergrad career unscathed by social misfortune and I think I'm looking for somewhat of a fresh start.
I say all this to urge you, try to make space to take each day at a time when you're looking five years ahead. You don't want to look back and see that you missed some special moments because you were focused on the future. I know that I can't say that I haven't done that.
It is okay to hope for a better future, but if all we're doing is looking forward, hoping for greener grass, we miss the things that have never left us.
We all have something beautiful in our lives, even if it's just each other or our health. Take a moment today to identify one thing about right now that you love and take a deep breath.
I'm so excited for you, too.
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