First of all, I sincerely want to wish all of you a Happy New Year!
2020 was awful and honestly, all we can wish for is better health and more happy and meaningful moments in 2021.
This is also the year that I GRADUATE COLLEGE. That's wild.
I meant to post something before the year was over, but I *flips hair extensions dramatically* have been visiting.. CHICAGO!
(Pause for the montage in photos)
I am still here and although with COVID-19 precautions, a lot of the classic tourist attractions are cancelled, it has been a fun and relaxing time with Chad. We have been getting used to using public transport, walking and being in snow, and seeing the place that I might live in August of this year.
With 2020 ending, I have been doing all of the things that bring me joy and hope because Lord knows, I've been lacking this year.
So I started an Instagram for my kitten, Assata (@assata_theshadycalico). She is practically my child and I love her to death so it only seemed fitting. Enjoy this gif of her biting me.
As I type this, Chad laughs at me and shakes his head. He loves me but thinks I'm insane.
And you know what, I'm realizing I kind of am. But, I'm realizing, so are all my favorite people. And if they haven't apologized, what do I have to apologize for?
For not being mediocre? For having high hopes in myself and the things I want to accomplish? THAT would be crazy.
This isn't to say I'm not striving to be better everyday and to hear others out. That is something I will always prioritize. But feeling bad for doing things that feel normal and natural to me and make me happy? That is a bad habit I can easily let go of.
So nah, miss me with that. I will go into 2021 as crazy and neurotic as I naturally am.
Speaking of...
All I have been talking and thinking about is how I want to pick the perfect grad school program and essentially where I want to live for the beginning of my twenties. I've put a lot pressure on picking somewhere that checks all of my boxes. Let me bring you into the madness with me:
I am pursuing a double masters: Master of Public Health (MPH) and Master of Social Work (MSW) degrees. Because of this, I wanted to be in a city. An urban area that had social and economic issues that contributed to negative outcomes for the poor.
A diverse faculty and staff. As a Black woman, it was a nice aspiration to try and include schools that prioritized hiring Black and Brown faculty. I realized however, that academia is forever problematic and that more often than not, I will have to advocate for myself no matter what the faculty look like. Physical diversity was not the only thing important to me, however. I wanted the school to prioritize plenty of interesting aspects of community health such as violence, geriatrics, and maternal and child health.
The school demonstrates care for the community. Referencing my second point, this can seem hard to find. However, there are a handful of schools of public health and social work that I felt had this characteristic.
It had to offer me something I couldn't get in Tampa. Whether that be a chance to set out on my own, a new environment, snow, or a way to prove to myself that I can do it, I knew that I had to make it worth the uncertainty.
Given these conditions, there are a few things that I have had to consider along the way that I refuse to apologize for:
I'm going to thrive wherever I go because I have this far (and that's on *manifestation and prayer*)
I wanted to go out of state. Living in Tampa has shown me that I love cities and having lots of fun and meaningful opportunities available to me. But I am looking for a change, somewhere unknown to me and those around me. Somewhere misunderstood, and that had a lot of passion. A place like Chicago immediately drew me. Chicago is a deeply troubled city and has a beautiful struggle that has always intrigued me.
As someone whose whole life and decisions have always been about the most inexpensive option, this grad school process has been hard for me. The applications have cost me over $500, all out-of-state schools cost more for me, and a double masters isn't exactly the cheapest option. And to some, it may look like I'm doing it all for nothing or to delay a possible med school matriculation.
But it was never about any of that.
I made the decision a long time ago that I wanted these degrees not for myself, but for others. I wanted to be better equipped to enact change in health inequity in inner city communities and for people living in poverty next to million dollar offices. I wanted to have as much as I could in my toolbox to work with these communities to rebuild into something that they could be even prouder of. So, I say it all the time. I don't care about the debt or the risk. I care more about getting to the end of my life and wondering what I could've done if I pushed for others, and not for myself.
I want to do meaningful work this year. I may not be perfect, I may constantly be doubting myself and making mistakes but I hope I can take my magnifying glass away from my mistakes and put it towards my achievements because this year, I've got a lot of them coming.
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